I've been married a few times. I have been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. But never, never, have I been so disappointed as today when I got an e-mail saying the pig races couldn't make it to our fair. In fact, several pig racing concerns have shunned us. And the inter-species racing. (Remember? Goat vs. pig vs.sheep vs. duck vs. chicken) The last time we had animals racing each other was 150 years ago at the horse racing track, Rockwell Park. You know what? Fine. We don't want no stinking pig racing this year! We've got pedal tractor pulls, we've got diving dogs. We'll come up with something better to entertain ourselves! I'm working on fish racing at the moment, using only local fish so we're not at the mercy of some flatlander's fish whim.
Maybe something besides a race. A Bay Area fair has the Ugliest Dog contest. I found out that the top three stories last year for the Associated Press were 1.) President Obama's election, 2.) Michael Jackson's death, and 3.) The Ugliest Dog contest. Wow. As I read that I knew we couldn't copy them, so my warped mind immediately came up with the Ugliest Kid contest. Don't suggest that to a mother, it doesn't go over well. Anyway, rest assured the brightest minds of Plumas County are working on an event better than anyone else's.